Bedtime Mistakes That Keep Your Baby From Sleeping Through the Night

Are you accidentally sabotaging your baby’s sleep?

Waking every 2-3 hours is normal for newborns. This article focuses on babies 4 months and older.

Around 4 months, babies start cycling through more sleep stages, similar to adults. They may wake briefly to adjust and check their surroundings but often fall back asleep quickly without fully waking every time. Babies wake frequently to signal for help when they can’t get back down to deeper sleep states on their own. This problem stems from habits that usually begin at bedtime.

So, here are are 6 common mistakes parents make at bedtime that can cause sleep struggles and frequent wakes — and how to fix them.

1. Nursing or Bottle Right Before Bed

Starting with a controversial one. To be clear, I’m not against letting babies fall asleep at the bottle or breast. I only advocate for a change if it causes frequent wakes to feed or reinsert the pacifier over and over, and is no longer sustainable for you.

If what you’re doing works for you, there's no need to change it. But if it is becoming unsustainable, feed earlier in the bedtime routine to help dissociate sucking from sleep.

2. Keeping Baby Up Later Hoping They’ll Sleep More

It's tempting to keep babies up longer before bed in hopes they'll sleep better or sleep in, but this can backfire. Being overtired triggers a baby's stress response, releasing hormones like cortisol and adrenaline to keep them alert. This prevents deep, restorative sleep, causing more night wakes, early morning wakes, and crankiness.

Avoid stretching their wake windows beyond what’s appropriate for their age. The time between their last nap and bedtime should suit their developmental needs.

3. Inconsistent Bedtime Routine

A consistent bedtime routine signals to your baby’s brain and body that it’s time to sleep. It triggers the release of melatonin and sets the circadian rhythm. If your bedtime routine is always changing, your baby won’t get those sleep cues to help them wind down, making it harder to fall or stay asleep.

Find a routine that works for your family and stick to it. After a few weeks of consistency, you can shorten it when needed, keeping key elements the same. I have an article on creating the perfect bedtime routine here.

Many times, parents switch up the bedtime routine because their methods to get baby to sleep aren’t working. So they resort to whatever will work to get their baby down for the night. If that’s the case for you, your baby might be ready to learn independent sleep skills (more about this in number 6).

4. TV Before Bed

The stimulation and blue light from TV before bed suppresses the natural release of melatonin and overstimulate the nervous system. I know it can be nice after a long day to relax in front of the TV, but it’s best to save that for after baby has gone to bed. Turn the TV off at least an hour before it’s time for them to lay down.

5. Not Being Emotionally Present

Children are wired for connection. It’s how the human species has survived. If you’re physically present going through the motions, but emotionally checked out or dysregulated, your baby will feel it too. This can stress their nervous system and make it harder to get to deep sleep states.

Try to set aside the time before bed to be emotionally present. It’s tough to do this when you’re sleep-deprived or overwhelmed if your baby is always cranky from not sleeping well. If your fuse is running short and poor sleep is to blame, I can help you teach your baby to sleep better without crying it out.

6. Doing Anything To Get Baby To Sleep

Imagine this scenario:

You’re exhausted and desperate to get baby to sleep, so you do anything: rock, nurse, bounce, replace the pacifier again and again. They finally fall asleep, and you lay them down and sneak out. You did it! But an hour later, they’re crying, and you have to do it all again.

Sound familiar?

None of these are “bad” sleep props, but they can be unsustainable for many families. If your baby is fully dependent on you to fall asleep, they’ll probably need you again when they rouse between sleep cycles in the night. Teaching your baby independent sleep skills is the best way to solve ongoing sleep struggles. There are compassionate ways to do this that don’t involve leaving your baby to cry alone for hours.

Summary

• If you’re struggling with frequent wakes and constant feeding or nursing at night, feed at the beginning of the bedtime routine to dissociate sucking from sleeping.

• Don’t keep baby up later in hopes they’ll sleep better. This can cause overtiredness and more sleep struggles. Follow age-appropriate wake windows.

• Keep a consistent bedtime routine that’s more or less the same every night. You can shorten it when necessary, but keep key elements the same.

• Turn the TV off at least an hour before your baby’s bedtime. The blue light and overstimulation can prevent the release of melatonin.

• Be emotionally present if possible before bed. If you struggle with this due to sleep-deprivation, it may be time to reevaluate your family’s approach to sleep.

• If you regularly find that your usual sleep tricks aren’t working, or you have to do them over and over again in the night, it may be time to use a compassionate method to teach independent sleep skills.